Things would have been different
by Fatepaw
Summary: Poppyfrost has always been in love with Jaypaw, but now she knows they could never be together. PoppyXSomeone


I watched my sister swim with Jaypaw with my green eyes

I watched my sister swim with Jaypaw with my green eyes. Jaypaw just seemed to go around with all of the girls these days. It had been me first though. I had been the one he saved from joining StarClan that one night while I was sick. He had said that it was just the greencough, but I knew better. That was when I had been a foolish apprentice with my crush on the medicine cat apprentice. Sadly, I still held those feelings through to my warrior ceremony. Even now I can still hear him desperately trying to make me go back to the living. _Jaypaw…I wish things were different._

Turning away from the scene, I looked to the forest. This place was my home. From the grass flooring to the treetops this was my home which carried my family. My family included everyone in the clan other than Jaypaw. He seemed so far out of my reach, but I began to love him the day I saw him.

It had been at night when I was almost six moons. Squirrelflight was sleeping peacefully, the kits curled up against her except for the grey one. The grey one was mewing softly. Sorreltail was asleep along with my sisters and brother, but I couldn't with the kit mewing. I wanted to stop his pitiful mew, but I didn't know how so I tried. I settled down right next to the tom. He felt my warmth and curled up next to me in a ball. At that I had smiled and gave him a lick to the ear. Before I could settle my face in my paws, the little guy licked my cheek and gave a thankful call. I watched him half-stunned. He didn't appear to be very affectionate to others including his siblings, but he had licked me. From then on I was super sweet to him.

Even when ThunderClan found out he was blind, I didn't treat him any differently because he was my friend although he didn't consider me one. I always asked him out on training sessions and patrols, but somehow the warriors always made up excuses. There was no fail in the warriors' goal of keeping him away from me. How I wanted to be his friend and future mate, but then he became a medicine cat apprentice. Becoming medicine cat apprentice shattered my hopes for us, but I never stopped feeling that throbbing sensation every time I saw him walk by. Soon I become cold to the touch as he drifted away from me. Then suddenly I became a warrior as Poppyfrost and those hopes continued. Sighing, I padded away from the scene of Cinderpaw swimming with Jaypaw teaching her. Cinderpaw was his friend, not me.

I closed my eyes hurt at the realization. Cinderpaw got to sleep every night in the medicine cat with Jaypaw. She could talk to him while I couldn't. It was the cruel truth. A single tear rolled down my face and to the forest floor. If I couldn't be with Jaypaw, the love of my life, I would be with no one and protect my clan until my last breath. I padded away from the two felines and deep into the forest, pain filling my body with each and every step. _If only things were different._

Every-well almost every she-cat dreamed of falling in love and having kits, but my dream was shattered when Jaypaw became the medicine cat apprentice. I couldn't even be his friend. He never expressed interest in that, so there was nothing I could do. Suddenly I saw something move in front of me. "Who's there?" I called out. A grey tom appeared out of a fern. His eyes were light blue shade. He looked similar to Jaypaw, but he wasn't. That was Ashfur.

"Hey Poppyfrost." The grey tom mewed in greeting. I smiled a little. He looked so much like Jaypaw. "Ashfur." I mewed dreamily. The handsome warrior trotted up to me and grinned. "You look sad, Poppyfrost." He meowed then said. "I am too." I looked at him. His eyes were so close to Jaypaw's sightless gaze. "Why is that?" I asked. "Because Whitewing is having kits with Birchfall. I told her that I loved her, but she loved Birchfall instead." Ashfur answered. "I can understand that." I mewed as I shred another tear, but Ashfur licked my cheek before it could fall.

We have never been close, but we could understand what the other was going through. "Jaypaw is a medicine cat, so we can never be, but…" I looked up at Ashfur. "You look a lot like him." I felt myself weaken under this tom's blue hues. He was handsome. "And you look like Whitewing." He replied. I blushed slightly at his words. Unlike Whitewing I had some patches of brown and red tabby on me, but I suppose you could say I looked like the beautiful white warrior. I licked his cheek and whispered in his ear. "If we can't have them, we can have each other." After that I felt my weak heart take over.

I was going to have Ashfur's kits. We may not have loved each other, but we could understand each other. That was just as good as love in my thoughts. Jaypaw was my love, but it was impossible to be, so I gave in. I had promised to stay out of the nursery, but that day Ashfur and I both needed comfort from love's sorrow. However we did become close after that day, so our kits would come into the forest with loving parents. I smiled at the thought. They would be my kits. I looked at my swollen belly, then at Ashfur who just came into the nursery with a tasty looking bird.

He was so sweet to get me my favorite prey, the jay bird. "Hello Poppyfrost," The grey tom mewed and touched my nose. Yes, he was very loving, but he wasn't Jaypaw and I wasn't Whitewing. I could live with that. "How are the kits doing?" He asked looking at my belly full of kits. "They're doing fine." I mewed and grabbed the bird. "What did Jayfeather say about them?" He questioned suddenly. I shivered at the mention of the medicine cat and Ashfur's eyes softened. "He said they would be born any day now." I whispered and took a bite out of the bird and started to chew.

"That's good." Ashfur mused then told me about his day. He had gone out on the dawn patrol where they found fox tracks, and then spent the rest of the day training his apprentice, Rosepaw. His eyes drifted towards Whitewing several times while he was talking. Some would think this bothered me, but it didn't because my thoughts often turned to Jayfeather while Ashfur was next to me. This was a relationship of understanding and friendship.

Suddenly a sharp pain hit my side and I yelled. My kits were coming. "Jayfeather!" I screamed calling for my love.

I had four kits. They were beautiful. One was a pure white she-cat with green eyes. She was named Frostkit and grew up to be Frostpaw. Another was a tortoiseshell she-cat with amber eyes. He grew up to be Brindlepaw after Ashfur's mother. I smiled slightly hearing Ashfur name the kits. Ashfur loved the kits as much as I did. The third kit was a golden tabby tom with brown eyes that died at three moons. Then the last one was the exact same shade of grey as Jayfeather and the same icy blue eyes. His name grew up to be Thrushpaw. I loved Thrushpaw the most, but I'd never tell anyone.

They all got wonderful mentors including Honeyfern, Lionblaze, and Spiderleg. The night they became apprentices was the night I told Ashfur that we would not stay together as mates, but as friends. He was perfectly fine with that and thoughtfully looked at Whitewing after I told him. Now I stand where I stood when I saw Cinderheart and Jayfeather swimming together the day I hooked up with Ashfur. I had been weak that day, but I had finally realized that I'd never be able to be with Jayfeather. It was a growing experience.

My green eyes watched Jayfeather as he padded up the beach looking for something. Without thinking I made my way over to him. "What are you looking for Jayfeather?" I asked falling in step beside him. "Something important." He mumbled. I nodded. "Like what? I could help you find it" I offered. "It's a smooth stick with claw marks on it." He answered moodily. ((I couldn't resist putting stick in.))

"Okay then." I mewed and looked around the beach for a short while before I heard Jayfeather call out he found the stick. "So, what is this? Something do with StarClan?" I questioned coming up to the stick and the medicine cat. "Yes. This stick is very important for our history." He answered protectively. "Really? That's amazing. A stick to deal with our history." I amused myself. Then I heard ThunderClan's medicine cat laugh out loud.

"Everyone thinks I'm crazy for looking after this stick." He grinned at me and I smiled back. He may not have seen it, but I was sure he knew. "There's nothing crazy about that. I mean I thought I could replace love with understanding." I mewed. Yes, I had realized that too. "So you never really loved Ashfur?" Jayfeather asked sitting down with the stick next to him. "No, I loved someone else, but we could never be with each other because it wasn't allowed. Also, he never even knew me." I answered. I didn't have to tell him it was actually him. "You can probably tell him now. I mean things are different now." He mewed.

I looked at him with wide eyes. I had always thought that if things were different we could have been together. He was right though. Things were different now. "I think I will." I mused looking at him. "Jayfeather, I wanted to tell you since we were apprentices that I loved you, but then you became medicine cat apprentice." I admitted. He blinked then licked my cheek. "I always liked you." He purred. I took a step back. I had wanted to hear that for forever, but now that I did it felt wrong. "Jayfeather," I began. "If things could be different we could have been together, but they weren't, so we can't be together now. Good-bye, Jayfeather." I walked away.


End file.
